The writers of "Lost" re-write the Bible story of Noah: Pt. 1

We open on Noah, startled awake on a pile of straw. He is surrounded by a bizarre menagerie. He stumbles around what appears to be stable after stable inhabited by tigers, moose, anacondas, chinchillas and the like. He catches the glimpse of a figure passing in the distance from one stable to the next. Noah chases after the figure, but when he gets to the stable where he saw it enter, there is only a pair of wolves mating. He turns to look out a nearby window and sees nothing but a vast ocean and pouring rain.

(Whoosh)

Noah is younger and sitting in his tent, drawing crude pictures of what will eventually be the ark. His youngest son Japheth enters and tells his father that he is ready for a second wife. Noah discusses the possibility of marrying Ham's oldest daughter, as there are no other people on the planet at this time, except the evil-doers who will soon be drowned.

(Whoosh)

Mrs. Noah is on the ark, trying to recapture a pair of black widow spiders that got loose. Noah enters the scene and Mrs. Noah scolds him for being drunk and passing out. Noah tells her he had the dream again about the colorful streaks in the sky. Mrs. Noah tells him to go shovel the rhinoceros diarrhea.

Ham shoots down Japheth's idea of using the birds' eggs as food for other animals. Ham is rather curt with Japheth. When Japheth leaves, Ham goes and makes out with a camel.

(Whoosh)

Ham is yelling at his Noah about the giving of his daugther to Japheth. Noah tries to reason with Ham that he has given Ham more cloaks and concubines than Japheth over the past few years and that Ham shouldn't take offense at this. Ham storms off.

(Whoosh)

Sham's wife tells him that he is by far the smartest man on the boat and should be in charge. Sham at first rejects this idea, but starts to consider it once his wife tells him that she had a dream that Sham lead the boat to safety.

(Whoosh)

Sham is tracking the path of a shadow of some sticks he's planted in the dirt. Ham comes up and kicks them away and mocks Sham's weak stature and tells Sham what a loser Sham is. Ham brags to Sham that he's twelve and now old enough to marry his ten year old sister. Sham tells Ham he is a brute. Ham punches Sham and starts beating him until Mrs. Noah breaks it up.

(Whoosh)

Noah walks through the stalls at night, checking on all the animals. Japheth comes to him and tells him he feels bad for taking Ham's daughter as his wife. Noah tells him it's okay. Japheth leaves.

Noah notices the figure in the distance again. He runs to catch up to it. When he gets there, he sees a man. When Noah asks who he is, the man replies that he is one of the "evil-doers" who almost drowned. When Noah tries to remove the man, he tells Noah that he better not tell anyone about him or he will kill everyone aboard.

"Noah"