Rejected Febreeze Odor Names as Commented on By My Father

Arabian Breeze
Enjoy the invigorating whiffs of refined petroleum. You know the smell; the smell of U.S. foreign oil dependency; of turning a blind-eye to horrendous human rights abuses against women and children in order to not rile OPEC. Enjoy your $2.60 gas, asshole.

Brazilian Carnivale
Ah, to be in Rio during Carnivale. The colors. The music. The vomit. The ball sweat. You like Brazil? Fuck you. Put your money where your mouth is and get a Brazilian wax, faggot. Get drunk and prance around in the street wearing nothing but a feather boa and a pair of cut-offs...on your head.

Island Refreshment
You think islands are refreshing, huh? A place for physical and emotional rejuvenation? What about American Samoa? Timor Leste? Hispaniola? Yeah, let's take a vacation to the Dominican! We'll stay in an aluminum shack, beg for pennies, and scout future baseball players. Then when life gets too stressful, we'll saunter on over to Haiti...

Green Meadows
Sure, green meadows. Why not? Better hope you don't have allergies. Ragweed. Pollen. Ants. Ticks. Eastern diamondback rattlesnakes. What? You're allergic to eastern diamondback rattlesnakes? Man, what a pussy. I love the smell of green meadows, don't you? Unless that green meadow is where cows graze because guess what...then it's also going to smell like cow-shit and cow after-birth.

Poop
Why even try to mask the odor of your feces? It's only a matter of time before the air in the bathroom is befouled again. What, is this the last time your shit is actually going to smell like shit? It's hopeless. Anyway, that's why they have matches. Oh, I see. The smell of your shit is too godamn good for matches. Well la-dee-frickin'-da. Hope you're not late for the opera, fag-a-rotti.